New Look

As you can see, I've changed the blog up a bit. Okay, a lot. I got tired of the newborn-chic pale yellow background and the title-less banner so I got rid of it. This one's a bit dark -- to put it lightly -- but I kind of like it. I'll probably end up changing it again soon, but hey, we'll see.

No More Avoiding

 While I have been blogging recently, I've purposely been avoiding blogging about me. I've posted story snippets, rants I posted on tumblr weeks ago, but I've avoided making personal posts. I don't want you guys to worry and I don't want to make a fuss. But you deserve to know.

I'm ill. And by that, I don't mean oh-hey-I-have-a-virus. I mean, I'm ill. Something is wrong with me. I don't know what's causing it, but I've had a headache for three months. The only time I can escape it is when I sleep, which I'm not doing much of. These headaches aren't just your normal, easily handled headaches either. They're migraines, I guess. I've missed so much school because I'm too sensitive to light and sound, I can't manage a full week in school, I never know how bad my head is going to be when I wake up. I'm a mess. We've seen various doctors about it and I've been put on beta-blockers. I've been taking them for ten days but they're doing nothing, so I'm seeing my GP on Saturday 2nd April to sort it out. I'm probably going to be put on anti-depressants.

Speaking of which, my family and I are 99.9% sure that I'm clinically depressed. My family think it's because I keep getting ill and I'm missing school (illness can cause depression), but in January, I did a bucket load of research and I've been showing some of the symptoms since September. It got worse in November, and again after Christmas, but people only started noticing recently. I only started suspecting it about a month and a half before everyone else. However, because of everything that's going on, the doctors can't test me for depression. I don't know why. They just can't.

Next Wednesday, I have a blood test because I'm starting to run out of iron tablets and my doctor wants to check my blood before giving me more. I'm anaemic for the record. Which is why I'm taking iron tablets.

Next Thursday, I have an appointment with my form teacher and head of year to see if the school can do anything to help me. Changing my time table, dropping subjects, leaving school earlier, having catch-up lessons ... things like that. I have five GCSE exams in less than two months and I've barely been in school this year because I'm so screwed up, so I really need to sort things out.

So, long story short, I'm stressed, depressed, ill, and just really sick of everything right now. I'm not writing this in search of sympathy or anything. I just want to be honest with you and keep you up to date.

I hope you're all doing okay. I love you all. Don't worry about me.

The LGBTQ side of Glee

The things I feel for Santana right now are just insane. Next to Kurt, she’s always been my favourite character. When I first started watching Glee and I wasn’t sure if I liked it, it was her and Kurt that I enjoyed seeing the most. That still hasn’t changed, but now I love Glee and … yeah.

I think Santana, Kurt, Blaine, and Karofsky are the only Glee characters I will ever refer to as “my baby” because they’re the characters I can empathise with (if not relate to) and connect with. Since the hiatus ended, I have seen crazy amounts of development from each of these characters.


With Karofsky, we were finally able to see him affected by people mentioning homosexuality. We saw how insecure he was. Not only has Kurt matured a lot (by helping Blaine with Jeremiah instead of wrecking everything like he would have done with Finn), but we’ve also discovered just how insecure he is about sex. It’s finally out and in the open that Blaine isn’t a knight in shining armour because he sucks at romance — there was also the whole “finding himself” plot in 2x14.


Seeing all of these developments have affected me in different ways, but none of them impacted me as much Santana has done in Sexy (S02E15). I am so ridiculously proud of her.


I know what it’s like to be confused about your sexuality, to want to shy away from labels altogether but still find out who you really are. And it’s scary. God, scratch that, it’s downright terrifying. You just want to shut everyone out, along with your emotions, and just not feel for a while. Although Kurt had it rough once he came out, he’s genuinely lucky to never truly go through the whole discovery process. He always knew. Hell, his dad knew before he did. He’s just always been the gay kid.


But Santana, she shut people out and she became the bitch because she was scared of people discovering how she felt. She didn’t like what she was feeling. She was scared of it. And now she’s finally realised that she can’t run any more, that she is in love with Brittany, and to actually admit that outloud … I am just so proud of her.


I rarely want things to happen on Glee. I have hopes, naturally, but I wouldn’t be upset if they didn’t play out. There are only two things I want from Glee right now.


One, for Brittany to come to her senses and realise that she loves Santana so much more than she loves Artie. And to act on those feelings. Santana has suffered such an internal battle, and making her suffer even more is just cruel. She deserves love.


And two, I want Karofsky to reach the point that Santana has finally gotten to. And by that, I don’t mean walking up to Kurt and saying “I’m sorry. I love you. Be my boyfriend.” I just want him to realise that he can’t keep running and that his feelings for Kurt aren’t anything to be ashamed of. He, like Santana, became a nasty person because he didn’t want to face his feelings. He tortured Kurt because he was terrified. And over acceptance from Azimio and his family and the school, I want him to be able to accept himself.


… I think that’s all I wanted to say.

Anger Me and Feel My Wrath

So, a little while ago on Tumblr, I made the following post:

I'd seen something on my dashboard and it infuriated me, and the use of the words "retard" and "nigga" have been bugging me for an insanely long time so I snapped and made a post about it. Not a minute later, some idiot had the audacity to leave me a message in my ask box. This message contained one word. That one word was enough to make me downright furious.

It wasn't just the use of the word retard that riled me up, it was knowing that this idiot had gone out of his or her way to anger me. They saw my post and decided to piss me off by leaving that particular word in my ask box. As you can see, I told them to fuck off. No one has unfollowed me yet, but I'm waiting for it.

I am slowly but steadily losing faith in humanity. Is this really what we've been reduced to? Purposefully going out of their way to infuriate others? Calling people names just because they know it'll get them worked up? To see what they say?

I really, really hate this world sometimes. It's disgusting. This anon is disgusting. That word is disgusting.

And I needed to rant. Now I have ranted. I shall let you get back to your life.

Do You Like Me?

Fandom: Glee
Ship: Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson
For: Shuffle Challenge
Inspired By: Do You Like Me by ALL CAPS

Do you like me, yes or no?
Do you think that I'm cute?
Would you date me?
You can say maybe
I just have to know