While I have been blogging recently, I've purposely been avoiding blogging about me. I've posted story snippets, rants I posted on tumblr weeks ago, but I've avoided making personal posts. I don't want you guys to worry and I don't want to make a fuss. But you deserve to know.
I'm ill. And by that, I don't mean oh-hey-I-have-a-virus. I mean, I'm ill. Something is wrong with me. I don't know what's causing it, but I've had a headache for three months. The only time I can escape it is when I sleep, which I'm not doing much of. These headaches aren't just your normal, easily handled headaches either. They're migraines, I guess. I've missed so much school because I'm too sensitive to light and sound, I can't manage a full week in school, I never know how bad my head is going to be when I wake up. I'm a mess. We've seen various doctors about it and I've been put on beta-blockers. I've been taking them for ten days but they're doing nothing, so I'm seeing my GP on Saturday 2nd April to sort it out. I'm probably going to be put on anti-depressants.
Speaking of which, my family and I are 99.9% sure that I'm clinically depressed. My family think it's because I keep getting ill and I'm missing school (illness can cause depression), but in January, I did a bucket load of research and I've been showing some of the symptoms since September. It got worse in November, and again after Christmas, but people only started noticing recently. I only started suspecting it about a month and a half before everyone else. However, because of everything that's going on, the doctors can't test me for depression. I don't know why. They just can't.
Next Wednesday, I have a blood test because I'm starting to run out of iron tablets and my doctor wants to check my blood before giving me more. I'm anaemic for the record. Which is why I'm taking iron tablets.
Next Thursday, I have an appointment with my form teacher and head of year to see if the school can do anything to help me. Changing my time table, dropping subjects, leaving school earlier, having catch-up lessons ... things like that. I have five GCSE exams in less than two months and I've barely been in school this year because I'm so screwed up, so I really need to sort things out.
So, long story short, I'm stressed, depressed, ill, and just really sick of everything right now. I'm not writing this in search of sympathy or anything. I just want to be honest with you and keep you up to date.
I hope you're all doing okay. I love you all. Don't worry about me.
I'm not going to give you an awh-get-well-soon-love reply. I just feel really angry for myself, because I think I get sick. Steph, I think you're brave. You may not think so, but really, you are. and you're a role model.
ReplyDeleteStephie, you'll get better. You WILL get better. Because you deserve more than on-going migranes and illnesses. All will end will. Something good will come to this, I swear. Good luck :)