B E D A

April is almost upon us and BEDA is only just out of our reach. Just like last year, I will be doing BEDA. For those of you who are unaware, BEDA stands for Blog Every Day in April, in which thousands of bloggers dedicate their time into writing at least one blog post a day for the thirty days that make up April. There's another variation of this called VEDA, Vlog Every Day in April, in which vloggers make and upload a video every day.

I can't promise I'll remember to blog every day. I might get tired and decide to turn in early without blogging, or maybe my head will be particularly nasty and it hurts too much to use the laptop, or maybe I'll just be my idiotic self and let it slip my mind. However, I vow to attempt to blog every day in April, and for every single day I may or may not miss, I will write a drabble and post it in May. That's a promise.

Now, onto my day. I had a blood test this morning and the nurse missed the vein at first so I have two puncture holes in the crook of my elbow that look like I've been bitten by a snake. I'm already sporting a lovely bruise, too. Have I ever mentioned that I'm aichmophobic? Yes, I have. I was terrified. My results should be here within a day or two.

The rest of my day has been rather dull, except for maybe the last couple of hours. I sent Dominic Barnes, a Warbler on Glee and a really amazing person, a message. He replied. I fangirled. Katie and I were unable to form coherent sentences. The excitement slowly decreased. Here I am.

I got a letter in the post with my exam dates. I have three GCSEs at the beginning of May, and one at the beginning of June. Do you have any idea how close that is? My first exam is in, like, forty days. I've missed so much school and I can never concentrate and I have forty days for my headache to decrease enough that I concentrate so I can study and catch up and have a chance at passing. It'll be hopeless. I'll fail. I'll probably have a breakdown in the examination hall. I'm screwed.

However, I have a meeting tomorrow with my form teacher and head of year about adjusting my timetable and twisting things up to make it easier for me to cope with school. I'm going in at 9AM with my mum and we're going to discuss it. So that should be ... productive.

I'll see you guys later, I guess.

Seeing Double and Drawing Closer

On Tumblr, it's become a sort of craze to make photomanipulations of the characters from Glee to make it seem as though they have twins. I jumped on the bandwagon a few days ago. It's really fun and a welcome distraction from everything that's going on, and I've made nine so far. They're not completely terrible. Four of them have been posted on Tumblr, along with little drabbles, but Tumblr is currently messing up and I only made the other five recently so I haven't had the chance to upload them. I thought I could post them here; I'm going to post one manip a day, along with the accompanying drabble, and it'd be awesome if you could give your feedback.

In other news, I'm ridiculously close to my 100th post (this is my 97th!) and I want to do something special when I reach that milestone. I was thinking that maybe you could send in questions (about my blog, my life, my fandoms, my writing, my graphics) for me to answer, and I'd put them all into one post. I'd probably end up asking people on other sites (tumblr, deviantART, etc.) as well, since I'm pretty sure Megha's the only one of my followers who still reads this blog. Hey, it's worth a shot, though, right? If you have any better suggestions on what I could do for my 100th post, your input would be greatly appreciated.

Another thing I've been thinking about lately is what I use this blog for. This blog is still primarily somewhat of a journal, a place where I write about my thoughts and my theories while keeping you updated on my life at the same time. However, would you mind if I posted more creative things more often? Drabbles, snippets of longer pieces of writing, icons, banners (both old and new). I've shared my writing on here a few times before, and same goes with the banners, but this blog was never really meant for that. However, I think it'd be nice if I could share those things with you more often.

I was also thinking, maybe, of recommending songs and videos that I really like and/or touch me somehow. Lately, I've found a lot of songs that I've really fallen in love with and while my normal outlet for things like that would be tumblr, tumblr almost always already knows about these songs. On tumblr, posts get lost behind posts, and within minutes, my tiny recommendation will mean nothing. This site works differently, however, and my recommendations won't get buried so quickly. I think it would be really nice. Let me know if you'd be into that kind of thing. It's just an idea at this point, I still may not go through with it, but I'd like to.

Let's kick it off with a song to end the post, shall we? I want to show you Glee's cover of Lady Antebellum's Need You Now, sung by Lea Michele and Mark Salling.

 Another shot of whiskey

Can't stop looking at the door

Wishing you'd come sweeping in

The way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me, it happens all the time

I've had it on repeat for the majority of the day and I think it's a really wonderful song. When I first heard it, I admit, I didn't think much of it. I didn't dislike it necessarily but it didn't do anything for me. I wasn't in love with it. I can't remember when, but I got it stuck in my head a while ago. When you get songs stuck in your head, it usually ends up frustrating you, right? In this case, it's made me fall head over heels. I haven't been able to stop listening to it. Lea and Mark's voices fit together so beautifully and I really hope we get more duets from them in future episodes of Glee.

New Look

As you can see, I've changed the blog up a bit. Okay, a lot. I got tired of the newborn-chic pale yellow background and the title-less banner so I got rid of it. This one's a bit dark -- to put it lightly -- but I kind of like it. I'll probably end up changing it again soon, but hey, we'll see.

No More Avoiding

 While I have been blogging recently, I've purposely been avoiding blogging about me. I've posted story snippets, rants I posted on tumblr weeks ago, but I've avoided making personal posts. I don't want you guys to worry and I don't want to make a fuss. But you deserve to know.

I'm ill. And by that, I don't mean oh-hey-I-have-a-virus. I mean, I'm ill. Something is wrong with me. I don't know what's causing it, but I've had a headache for three months. The only time I can escape it is when I sleep, which I'm not doing much of. These headaches aren't just your normal, easily handled headaches either. They're migraines, I guess. I've missed so much school because I'm too sensitive to light and sound, I can't manage a full week in school, I never know how bad my head is going to be when I wake up. I'm a mess. We've seen various doctors about it and I've been put on beta-blockers. I've been taking them for ten days but they're doing nothing, so I'm seeing my GP on Saturday 2nd April to sort it out. I'm probably going to be put on anti-depressants.

Speaking of which, my family and I are 99.9% sure that I'm clinically depressed. My family think it's because I keep getting ill and I'm missing school (illness can cause depression), but in January, I did a bucket load of research and I've been showing some of the symptoms since September. It got worse in November, and again after Christmas, but people only started noticing recently. I only started suspecting it about a month and a half before everyone else. However, because of everything that's going on, the doctors can't test me for depression. I don't know why. They just can't.

Next Wednesday, I have a blood test because I'm starting to run out of iron tablets and my doctor wants to check my blood before giving me more. I'm anaemic for the record. Which is why I'm taking iron tablets.

Next Thursday, I have an appointment with my form teacher and head of year to see if the school can do anything to help me. Changing my time table, dropping subjects, leaving school earlier, having catch-up lessons ... things like that. I have five GCSE exams in less than two months and I've barely been in school this year because I'm so screwed up, so I really need to sort things out.

So, long story short, I'm stressed, depressed, ill, and just really sick of everything right now. I'm not writing this in search of sympathy or anything. I just want to be honest with you and keep you up to date.

I hope you're all doing okay. I love you all. Don't worry about me.

The LGBTQ side of Glee

The things I feel for Santana right now are just insane. Next to Kurt, she’s always been my favourite character. When I first started watching Glee and I wasn’t sure if I liked it, it was her and Kurt that I enjoyed seeing the most. That still hasn’t changed, but now I love Glee and … yeah.

I think Santana, Kurt, Blaine, and Karofsky are the only Glee characters I will ever refer to as “my baby” because they’re the characters I can empathise with (if not relate to) and connect with. Since the hiatus ended, I have seen crazy amounts of development from each of these characters.


With Karofsky, we were finally able to see him affected by people mentioning homosexuality. We saw how insecure he was. Not only has Kurt matured a lot (by helping Blaine with Jeremiah instead of wrecking everything like he would have done with Finn), but we’ve also discovered just how insecure he is about sex. It’s finally out and in the open that Blaine isn’t a knight in shining armour because he sucks at romance — there was also the whole “finding himself” plot in 2x14.


Seeing all of these developments have affected me in different ways, but none of them impacted me as much Santana has done in Sexy (S02E15). I am so ridiculously proud of her.


I know what it’s like to be confused about your sexuality, to want to shy away from labels altogether but still find out who you really are. And it’s scary. God, scratch that, it’s downright terrifying. You just want to shut everyone out, along with your emotions, and just not feel for a while. Although Kurt had it rough once he came out, he’s genuinely lucky to never truly go through the whole discovery process. He always knew. Hell, his dad knew before he did. He’s just always been the gay kid.


But Santana, she shut people out and she became the bitch because she was scared of people discovering how she felt. She didn’t like what she was feeling. She was scared of it. And now she’s finally realised that she can’t run any more, that she is in love with Brittany, and to actually admit that outloud … I am just so proud of her.


I rarely want things to happen on Glee. I have hopes, naturally, but I wouldn’t be upset if they didn’t play out. There are only two things I want from Glee right now.


One, for Brittany to come to her senses and realise that she loves Santana so much more than she loves Artie. And to act on those feelings. Santana has suffered such an internal battle, and making her suffer even more is just cruel. She deserves love.


And two, I want Karofsky to reach the point that Santana has finally gotten to. And by that, I don’t mean walking up to Kurt and saying “I’m sorry. I love you. Be my boyfriend.” I just want him to realise that he can’t keep running and that his feelings for Kurt aren’t anything to be ashamed of. He, like Santana, became a nasty person because he didn’t want to face his feelings. He tortured Kurt because he was terrified. And over acceptance from Azimio and his family and the school, I want him to be able to accept himself.


… I think that’s all I wanted to say.

Anger Me and Feel My Wrath

So, a little while ago on Tumblr, I made the following post:

I'd seen something on my dashboard and it infuriated me, and the use of the words "retard" and "nigga" have been bugging me for an insanely long time so I snapped and made a post about it. Not a minute later, some idiot had the audacity to leave me a message in my ask box. This message contained one word. That one word was enough to make me downright furious.

It wasn't just the use of the word retard that riled me up, it was knowing that this idiot had gone out of his or her way to anger me. They saw my post and decided to piss me off by leaving that particular word in my ask box. As you can see, I told them to fuck off. No one has unfollowed me yet, but I'm waiting for it.

I am slowly but steadily losing faith in humanity. Is this really what we've been reduced to? Purposefully going out of their way to infuriate others? Calling people names just because they know it'll get them worked up? To see what they say?

I really, really hate this world sometimes. It's disgusting. This anon is disgusting. That word is disgusting.

And I needed to rant. Now I have ranted. I shall let you get back to your life.

Do You Like Me?

Fandom: Glee
Ship: Kurt Hummel/Blaine Anderson
For: Shuffle Challenge
Inspired By: Do You Like Me by ALL CAPS

Do you like me, yes or no?
Do you think that I'm cute?
Would you date me?
You can say maybe
I just have to know